My boyfriend has a nicer house, and says I should live with him. My mortgage is paid off. He believes I should pay half of his monthly costs. Is that fair?

Dear Quentin,

My friend is a homeowner with a 30-year mortgage balance of $150,000 at 4% interest. He has $275,000 in cash and retirement accounts. He is a pensioner.

My house is paid for. I have $50,000 in cash and retirement accounts. I want to retire in a year or two.

We want to live together, but have not been able to agree on a fair “rent” to pay. He doesn’t want to live in my house because it has less amenities.

He believes that I should pay half of his monthly expenses in his nicer and more expensive house. He can pay off his debt and save $600 a month, but he likes cash.

I gave up this luxury and paid off my debt. I am currently working on building my savings. I don’t think it’s fair to me to pay half the mortgage interest costs.

I don’t know what the maintenance and repair costs will be expected of me if I don’t have equity in his house. There are many points, none of which are fair.

Here are the options he suggested:

· I live in his house and so I rent out my house. Pay him half of what I rent from it.

· Pay half of the actual cost of living and maintaining his home while living there.

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· Pay him what I live in my current home for taxes, insurance and utilities: $800 a month.

What do you say, monist?

Homeowner and girlfriend

Dear Landlord,

I’m sure your house is fine too. And just because he believes it doesn’t make it so. If you don’t pay a mortgage on your house, I don’t believe you should pay one red cent more to live in his house.

That is, you should not get out of this contract by paying more just because he (a) wants you to live in his house and (b) help him pay his mortgage or taxes and utilities.

You both made different choices: your home should have a home that is debt free and free so you can spend this time building up your savings for retirement and/or a rainy day.

You’ve worked hard to pay off your debt and you have $50,000 in savings, which is less than 20% of your savings. He has $150,000 left on his bond and it’s his choice.

If his goal is to find help paying off half of the mortgage, he can find a tenant who will do it for him. »

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You are not responsible for his long-term financial plans, you are his partner in life. If his goal is to find help paying off half of the mortgage, he can find a tenant who will do it for him. What do you do? you expect from you Forget what he expects.

In fact, he approaches it this way, looking like he wants to be the equivalent of a detergent and fabric softener—girlfriend and renter in one convenient bottle—to keep his financial plans smooth and clean.

Bottom line: You shouldn’t ruin any plans to build your nest egg. The lady is not around. Only agree to his plan if – with the help of the tenant in your apartment – it helps you too.

In other words, the desired result for you is more important than the suggestions he offers. He can save $600 a month! This is his job. Not yours. What would you like to have in your pocket every month?

Find out what you want, and then work your way backwards based on that goal. For example, if you can pay him $800 a month, get $1,600 in rent for your house, and put $800 into your savings, do it.

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You have come a long way. Do not let these negotiations spoil it.

Inspection Moneyist’s private Facebook a group where we seek answers to life’s money problems. Readers write to me with all kinds of problems. Send me your questions, tell me what you want to know more about, or weigh in on the latest Moneyist columns.

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Also read:

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‘I hate being cheap’: Is it okay to come over to your friend’s house for dinner with a bottle of wine?


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